How to Kill a Spider or How to Burn off your Finger Hairs

So today was a pretty fun day! I got to play with fire and kill something. So I was at Joey’s house with Joey and Eric. Eric and I were in the other room, when we heard Joey yell, “Come look at this spider I just found!” So we ran in there and looked. This must have been the king of the spiders (Much like the King of the Gulls, but without the long neck or the crown), because he was humongous! He was at least 6 feet in diameter and I swear he was carrying the sword from Highlander and wearing a top-hat.

Just as we saw him, the television switched over to the emergency broadcast system and displayed this annoucement, “Police are now in pursuit of a large, sword-wielding arachnid. The arachnid was last seen in your area. Arachnid is a suspect in multiple beheadings and should be assumed dangerous. If you see the suspect please contact your local police department.” Along with that message, was the following picture:

Police sketch of Suspect.

At that point, we knew we were in danger. So we did what any good teens would do and got a bottle of hairspray and a candle (No lighters were available). Knowing that I have a very great fear of spiders, I offered to be the one to kill it. I made my way over to the spider, lit candle in one hand, hairspray in the other.  When I was within reach, I held up the candle and sprayed. After the initial hit, he fell off of the wall and landed on the floor, where I continued flaming him. We used different variations of flame-based techniques, until he was a nice golden-brown color. The event looked like this:

Dramatization of the Event.

During the whole ordeal, I managed to singe off most of the hairs on my left hand, and burn the index finger on my right. After we knew the spider was dead, we phoned the police who promptly arrived and gave us a reward for our fine efforts in stopping this criminal. After that, we went on with our lives knowing that we did good for this world today.

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Subway or The King of the Gulls

Today, was a pretty good day. I was talking to Eric over Aim, and we decided to head out and get some food. On our way, we stopped by Joey’s house and got him. We got up to Subway, got our subs, and sat down on the little table outside of the building. Joey started it all by throwing a cucumber slice. The gulls were there before it hit even hit the ground (That’s actually not an exaggeration). While we ate, he kept throwing little pieces of his sandwich, and eventually got the gulls to get so close we could reach out and touch them. Not much of interest until it came.

After about 10 minutes of feeding them, we heard the loudest gull call ever. It was a cross between godzilla’s roar and the horn of a semi. We turned as fast as we could and saw him standing there. 100 times bigger than all of the other, a neck so long he looked more like a giraffe. The king of the gulls. We quickly got to our knees and bowed in his presence, lest he eat our faces. In his honor, I threw him the last 2.5 inches of my foot-long. He scooped it up in his beak and flew away with it. No doubt to devour it as an appetizer to his dinner that would most likely consist of small to medium sized human orphans.

I have attached a picture of what he looked like. None of us had a camera with us at the time, so this is merely a dramatization of his true power. Maybe one day, you’ll be able to see the real thing.

The King of the Gulls

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Stickam, a place to piss people off or “Why do you keep coming back?” “I’m hungry”

Today was relatively uneventful. I guess I should say yesterday since it’s 3am now as of writing this part of the blog. I didn’t do too much, at least nothing that I can turn into a funny story. So I guess this is just going to be a regular old boring blog about my day, but I’m going to write it in the form of a story anyway.

Sunday 10ish p.m.

It was just another day, I was sitting here on my computer when all of the sudden I got an IM. It was from Eric and read, “sp you gonna come ova”.

I read it and quickly wrote back, “Should I?”

8 Seconds later, he replied, “if ya wanna”

Reading that, I said, “yeah”. So it was decided, I would be going to Eric’s house for a night that I knew would be full of shenanigans.

Later Sunday Night/Early Monday Morning

Monday Monday, so good to me,
Monday Monday, it was all I hoped it would be

Anyway, After a short excursion back to my house to retrieve my webcam and guitar hero controlling, we headed over Stickam to begin our webcam mischief. We Continued our webcamming until about 5am Monday morning. At which point we watch The Cosby Show, and I learned that Bill Cosby’s character was a doctor, something I had not known before this occasion. After that, we rested from all of our webcam talk.

Upon waking up, I packed up my goods and headed home. Upon arrival at my designated living quarters, I sat my pack on the floor and headed off to take a shower. After showering, I came back to my computer where I spend most of my days. I talked to a few people on my beloved aol instant messenger (grimman28 – hit me up sometime), then headed out again with Eric and Joey. We headed over to Joey’s house where we woke up his brother Chris, and hung out for a while. After an uneventful chill session, we headed out to get some food.

We rode up to Burger King, my place of previous employment. As I approached the register, the cashier, my former co-worker, greeted me with the kind words, “Why do you keep coming back?”

I replied back, “I’m hungry”. I then placed my order of two spicy chik’n crisp sandwichs, which I ate. After finishing, we headed off on our bicycles again. I went back to my house and returned to my computer where I sat, talked to people, and refreshed myspace for 6 1/2 hours. Pretty much up until I started writing this blog.

If you happen to read this, feel free to add me on myspace, facebook, or aim. I do enjoy talking to/ meeting new people. Also, if for some reason you enjoyed reading this story, digg/stumble/whatever. Do you part to make me famous and get me a lot of friends.

My First Blog Post (Not Really)

Ok, so this is my first blog post (on this blog). I’ve had like 1,000 other blogs that have failed horribly. I usually get confused and not know what to write about or forget about them. Then I remember them months later and go “Oh Snap!” then go on and no one ever even looked at it so it didn’t matter anyway, then I just delete them.

Anyway, I don’t plan on that happening to this one, seeing as how I have a ton of free time, and I got all these new nifty firefox extensions to remind me. I’ll continue trying to update this. I plan on just writing about my boring days, but then seeing as how boring they are, I’m going to very-sarcastically over-exaggerate everything about them to make them interesting and/or funny.

Right now, seeing as how I just set this thing up, and it’s my first time using wordpress (I’ve always used blogger before), I’m still trying to set it all up. So if things look ugly or gay it’s because I’m still working everything out. I’m going to go try and get everything working now, instead of writing about nothing. ttyl.

BTW, I love using commas.

I falled off of my bicycle :(

So I was riding my bicycle with my friends Eric and Joey and I saw this epic jump.
So being the danger loving kid that I am, I said, “Yo my homies! I’m gonna go bust a massive 360 off of that jump over there!”

Eric looked at me inquisitively and replied, “No way nigga, you ain’t going to be able to do that kind of sick trick of such a small jump!” But I didn’t listen, I was already headed for the jump going at least 60 m.p.h.

Joey looked at me and said, “Holy moley, that kid is going much fastly!” But I did not hear him because I broke the sound barrier and hit that jump. I was going so fast though, that I couldn’t just do a 360, it ended up being like a 2930423089233 (That’s a whole lot of spinning in case you didn’t know). I spun so much and so fast that I even created a typhoon in one of the mud puddles that was residing nearby on the road.

Unfortunately, I was unable to land the massive spin and I fell and hurt my hand. I have included a picture of the cut, I have to warn you though, it’s really bad. Definitely not for the faint of heart.

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